


Logic Before Loyalty

by Quietly_Cursed



Category: Divergent (Movies), Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-24
Updated: 2015-02-24
Packaged: 2018-03-14 23:43:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3429911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quietly_Cursed/pseuds/Quietly_Cursed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of a girl who once lived to believe the world was her Oyster with many opportunities ahead of her, only to be transformed into a cold manipulative work of corruption in her parents vision. Her name was Jeanine Matthews. The rating may change during the course of the story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Choices

My heart is pounding, my breathing unsteady. I am worried. My fears are all built up inside and I am about to make my choice. This will either ruin me or make me a success; I cannot exceed the importance of this choice.

“Jeanine Matthews” a stern voice calls.

I take a deep breath and reluctantly walk up to the stage, my hands are shaking and I know I must contain my nerves. In front of me, there are five bowls, each one representing a faction.

It is time to make my decision.

I think back to my aptitude test and the results I received. It haunts me to believe that my test results came back inconclusive, which in other words mean that I have an aptitude for more than one faction.

Erudite, Amity and Dauntless. Those are the possible factions I would be best suited for but I already know where I belong. I look to my left where I see a stocky built dauntless man holding a knife in which I must use to show my allegiance to the faction I choose. I look up at him and nervously smile, he hands me the knife and I hold out my hand, still shaking with terror at the importance of the moment. Before I make my decision final, I look around the room to see hundreds of 16 year olds staring at me waiting to see my choice. Without taking another second to think about what I am about to do, I draw the knife and slice the palm of my hand. Instantaneously I am greeted with immense and searing pain, which brings tears to my eyes. Placing my hand over one of the bowls, I let my blood flow onto its contents and look up. My decision has been made and my blood now marks my allegiance to my chosen faction.

Erudite is where I will stay.


	2. Initiation

The initiation process is very different compared to other factions. We are allocated into groups and we have to work on several projects in which will be marked and graded based on our abilities during each stage of the initiation.

My group included Sarah Cassidy a Candor transfer, Mark Jones an Erudite born and Mia Thomas who’s also an Erudite born. We work well together on a whole but I have always preferred independent work. I enjoy my own company and find it relaxing to be alone with my thoughts. I can structure my work accordingly and get it finished to an exceedingly high standard that I set myself for each task.

On what I thought, was a normal day I find myself in the library reading about human characteristics when Mia Thomas walks up to me holding what looks like a letter. I steal my gaze away from what I am reading to look at her.

“I think you better have a look at this,” She says with a worried expression.

“What is it?” I reply concerned as to what it is. For a brief moment, she looks around the room, a bunch of young erudite giggling in the corner. Only to then turn her gaze back to mine.

“It’s from Andrew,” She whispers. _Did I really just hear that?_ I think. I look at her in shock, not believing for a second that it is true.

“It can’t be from Andrew, not after what happened before the choosing ceremony.” I say shaking my head in disbelief.

“Well I guess you better read it then” She says confidently as if she has a point to prove. Before I can reply, she walks off and heads out of the library. After finishing what I was reading, I stand up and walk to my room so I can read the letter in private. I walk briskly down the hallway, feeling purpose in every stride I take. I make sure I do everything briskly these days as there is no time to be spent being idle, which was something I learnt from a very young age. I get to my doorway and reach for my keys, cold in my grasp. Quickly I unlock the door and walk in only to then close it shut behind me when I am in. I breathe a sigh of relief being in the comfort of my own privacy. I sit down on my neatly laid bed and open the letter cautiously. The handwriting is scruffy and there are blotches of what seem to be tears, making the writing smudge. I automatically look to the bottom of the letter to see whom it is from and just as Mia said it is from Andrew Prior, the boy who promised to never leave me, who would always be there for me when no one else was but like most promises the people who make them fail to keep them. Another disappointment I have gained during my life so far with the substantial probability of more to come. I start to read the letter, which says…

_Dear Jeanine,_

_I do not know where to start so here it goes._

_Lately I have been considering where I belong in society. I feel as If I am to pick between a certain virtue I value more then the rest. I believe equally in all the faction’s virtues but to pick one to me is just impossible. I know by the time you are reading this, we will have both made our choice but as a matter of fact whether I am happy about it I am uncertain. I was told I could not discus my aptitude test results but as I found out insurgence is one of my qualities so I am going to tell you just the same. As you have probably guessed by now I have received Abnegation as a result but I some how feel as if the test administrator lied to me or even gave me a false reading. None the less, I am truly sorry for what I have put you through. My actions are inexcusable and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me._

_What has happened between us could never split us apart but as the day draws near, I already feel as if you are slowly slipping out of my reach. You have become a different person from the happy, life-loving girl I knew. Instead, you have turned into a cold, knowledge thirsty excuse for wanting to help create a perfect utopia of prosperity and intellect. I know this may sound harsh and unnecessary but it is the truth, I just want the old Jeanine back… The girl who could always help when you had a problem, the girl who devoted all her time to the people she cared about, the girl who I will always love no matter what. Just remember our choices do not have to change whom we are, no matter how we are conditioned to think and act._

_Yours truly, Andrew Prior the boy with regrets._

 

Astounded I put the letter down on my bed. Why would he write such horrible things? I know we did not get along to well before the choosing ceremony but he should have seen sense by now. Out of nowhere, I start to think about the argument we had before leaving for the choosing ceremony. The convulsion that followed is blurry in my mind. It all happened so fast and I was too infuriated with how inconsiderate he was acting to even think about my choice of words. It was as if I was speaking to another person because never before have I heard him speak like that to me. The controversy continuously replays in my head, so much so tears start to form on the periphery of my vision. I blink them away furiously and scrunch the tear ridden, ink stained paper with rage and chuck it in the bin beside my desk. There is no point in keeping something like that when all it will do is keep you from the real things that matter like my quest to seek a great perhaps. My vast emotions start to build up and I cannot contain them anymore. All my troubles surfacing to the forefront of my mind. Making all my fears and worries more apparent that no matter how much I try I cannot fathom a way to dismiss them from my mind. Perhaps I could speak to someone but then I would be conceived as weak and inefficient by letting my emotions cloud my judgment and work ethic. Then again we will be allowed to visit our parents tomorrow so I could always speak to them, even though telling them about my aptitude results would be risky it would be worth the effort just to get advice from the only people I trust in this world. With my mind now made up, I have decided on a plan of action and hopefully my dilemmas will be sorted. My parents always know what to do in bad situations so I do not see why they cannot help me as well. I guess I will have to wait and see until tomorrow so I can know the full answer to that question but in the mean time, I have to get some rest for the big day ahead. I get dressed for bed and put my blue framed glasses on my bedside desk only to then put my light out and go to sleep.


	3. Shock

Swiftly I walk up the garden path to my parent’s pristine home. Gravel crunches beneath my feet, making my presence audible as I take more steps. I reach the door and ring the modern styled doorbell. A sweet sounding tune signals and my dad comes to the door. He smiles wirily, the signs of old age approaching. He welcomes me in as he would with any guest and sits down on the sofa; he beckons me over to sit beside him and I do without hesitation.

“It’s good to see you again Jeanine,” he says warmly. I smile at the thought of being home and reply

“Yeah, it’s good to see you to dad”

“So what brings you back here? Shouldn’t you be studying?” he questions.

“Uh yeah but its visiting day so I thought I would pay you a visit” I look down sheepishly, not knowing how to proceed with what I want to say. Finally, I come up with the courage to say it, already knowing I might as well face up to the fact that I need to talk to them about my problems. I rub my sweaty palms against my skirt and clasp them together, hoping it will make me feel a bit more confident and calm.

“Look… Dad I want to talk to you about something. I need your advice,” I say quietly, ashamed of what he may think of me.

“Well I’m glad you asked me instead of bottling it all up like you used to” he says patting my shoulder. He stands up and walks over to the staircase.

“I’ll go get your mother, she should be in the office working again but if something’s bothering you I’m sure she will have plenty of time to listen to your worries and help you”

“Uh thanks” Is all I can say. I am nervous about telling them and I cannot help but bite my nails. It is an old habit I cannot get out of and I must learn to stop doing it at some point in my desolate life. My dad leaves the room and it seems like ages until he returns. Curiously, I turn around to face him and as I do so, I see my mum’s elegant but stern figure walks down the stairs. She has sharp features and a regal posture, which shows her authority and character on a whole. She sits down beside me and my dad sits on the other side of the open spaced room.

“So what was it you wanted to talk about?” she says calmly.

I look over to her and try to regain my confidence to tell her.

“I have something to tell you but I’m worried about what you might think,” I say pitifully.

“Look you can tell us anything. You know that and we won’t think any differently of you because we love you” She smiles heart warmly.     

I sigh and tell myself not to worry.

“Okay, well I found out I have an aptitude for more than one faction, the test administrator named it as being Divergent. I’m confused and troubled as to what it means” Just after I said that the room falls silently. I scan my parents faces for signs of a response but all I see is the sheer shock and profound devastation at the news I have beared them.

“Mum? Dad?” I question, feeling a pang of regret and disappointment with myself. My parent’s faces are bereaved with a completely different emotion I cannot figure out. I know it was wrong of me to say but I need to know what to do. Perhaps I will never be able to sort it, I should never have told them.

 Eventually my mum says something.

“Are you sure that’s what she said? Are you sure it isn’t a mistake?” She says slowly, trying to get used to the idea.

“I’m sure mum. I swear I am not making this up if that is what you are thinking, I know this may be hard for you to get used to but I need your help. Please just try to help me.” I plead, sounding desperate for a chance. Nothing is more important to me, at this current time, then this. I need to know what to do.

“I’m going to help you Jeanine because this is a very serious matter. Look at me. You must never tell anyone about what is happening. Do you understand me?” She says with the recognizable tone of authority and seriousness. I nod not knowing what else to do.

“I have heard rumours of these cases for years but I was never certain as to if they where true. Hearing this has now confirmed my theory and I think I already have a solution,” She continues saying with the distinctive tone of notion on the possible solution she may have already formed.

“So what’s the solution?” I question.

I watch my mother as she stands up. Her lustrous grey eyes gleam in the sunlight protruding through the blinds. I think back to what my father has always told me. He believes I have adopted my mothers’ looks and I suppose he is only half-right. Through receiving 23 chromosomes from my mum and 23 from my dad, I have received similar characteristics as my parents, which he is partly correct even though I hate to admit it. She walks to the stairs and beckons for me to follow her. Her delicate hand skims the surface of the railing as we ascend the glass staircase. She walks with confidence and an unidentified power, something of which I would like to acquire for when I am older. She is a respected member of the Erudite community, she has captured my admiration for her, and she is the only possible role model I will ever have. She leads me down the hallway until we reach her office, a small room with a profound feeling to it. Despite the enclosed structure of the room, it is well appointed with luxurious furniture and modern technology well suited for such a person with a laborious job in the top sector of Erudite. Carefully I sit down on one of the leather chairs beside my mother’s desk, the feel of the leather cold on my skin as I lay my elbows on the armrests. My mother gives me an inquisitive smile as she crosses the room and sits down in the chair behind her desk.

“Firstly I think it’s best if I tell you what your _condition_ means,” she says with an assuring tone.

“w- What do you mean condition?” I falter nervously.

“To put it simply being Divergent is thought to be a genetic modification made at birth but no one knows for sure what has caused this modification to specific children. So it got me thinking about this and as of recent reporting’s of cases such like this I decided to do some research”

Since saying this, she brings out a folder packed with pages of information and sets it down on the burnished glass table before her. I consider what she has just said, the possibilities of what she just meant seems endless to me.

“So what did your research deduce?” I ask wanting to know the full extent of my condition.

Passing me the folder, she says,

“Everything in this folder is my life’s work of research starting from when the cases were revealed, it includes everything you need to know included possible ways of how to cure your condition. No one knows as of yet what the course of treatment is but luckily for you I have already found out”

“So why haven’t you told anyone about this? It could be a way to establish new forms of treatment and medical procedures to help those with this disease! It could change everything in Erudite history and you would be the one accountable for this groundbreaking revolution,” I say with the utmost excitement.

“Maybe so but if the test administrator told you, you would know that being divergent is extremely dangerous and by all means you should not have even told me about your condition” her words slice through my thoughts but I must not stop now, I have more questions that need answering.

“But why is being Divergent dangerous? I do not understand” I lace my fingers together to keep them from trembling. When I first came here today, I did not expect this outcome of what now seems to be my sickness. I thought that everything would be fine considering I told my parents of one of my troubles at least.

  “Like I said all you need to know about your condition is in that file, it should answer all your questions but none the less if you do have further questions don’t hesitate to ask me. I know what you are like Jeanine and you think you can solve all your problems yourself but your wrong; it surprised me that you have even come to see us about your condition” She says in a surprisingly arrogant tone.

Suddenly I am filled with a type of anger I never knew existed, something that should not exist in a world trying to achieve peace. Hastily I stand up, almost knocking the chair over as I do so.

“Oh? And you never thought to wonder why I have not told you about anything that is bothering me? Well here’s why. You were always caught up in work to even listen to me. I always felt that I had to bottle everything up or else I would seem weak in the world of business and intellect. You always told me not to let my emotions cloud my judgment over matters and that includes family worry’s. Well listen to this mother! I used my judgment not to tell you anything until now because I knew you would react this way and to be frankly honest I doubted you would even help me because you lack the emotional balance to be able to give proper advice!”

My eyes burn with tears and I curl my hands into fists to stop them from trembling even more. Before my mum can say anymore, I head to the door in hopes of leaving this conversation or what was turning into and argument at a dead end. However, to my surprise my arm is being held back to stop me from moving any further. I struggle to get free but my mothers grasp tightens, I feel the burn of her nails digging into my skin and I fight to hold in a gasp of pain.

_Why won’t she let me go!_

I think in an egger outburst to escape my mother’s shockingly strong hold.

 “How dare you say that about your own flesh and blood? I raised you and brought you up to be a strong independent women. I did this out of the goodness of my own heart because I know the dangers you will face by going out into the world of work. Your future employer will want nothing to do with your emotions and that’s why I told you its best not to rely on them” She replies raising her own voice.

Exhausted I turn around to face my grief stricken mother.

“So that’s why you have condemned me to a life of suffering and knowing that I will have no guidance in this labyrinth of preposterous endeavours of growing up!” I shout back, tears falling down face. Without hesitation, she draws her free arm back and strikes my tear-ridden cheek. Pain instantly emerges from where she hit me and I cry out in pain. My legs feel weak with adrenaline and I finally manage to catch her with her guard down, allowing me pull free from her hold. The next few minutes that follow are a haze to me as I run out the house. I hear shouting behind me and I try my best to block it out, I know my mother and father are calling after me but I continue running until I know I have gotten as far away from them as possible. Along the way, I only have one thought on my mind.

I will not let them beat me.


	4. Forgiven

“Jeanine what are you doing here?” Andrew asks with an exasperated look on his face. He holds out a hand and offers to help me up. _Typical Abnegation_ I think and accept his help. I take note of how different he looks. His navy blue blazer replaced by a grey shirt. His smart well-tamed hair changed to tousled locks. His confident smile stolen for a weary expression. I cannot help but miss those little characteristics that made him Andrew the boy from Erudite not the boy who transferred to Abnegation. Since he left this is the first time I have admitted to myself that I may actually miss him, no matter how hard to believe it may be. My cheek on the other hand has stopped hurting and is left with a numb tingling sensation, no longer damp with tears.

”I-I don’t know Andrew. I just had to get out of there,” I say with a recollection of previous events at my parent’s house.

“Get out of where?” He asks with the old erudite curiosity that is in every one of us faction borns.

“My parent’s house” I mumble feeling stupid for troubling him with my presence.

“Why? What went wrong…? Sorry it’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it” He responds with a caring tone.

I remember what my mother always told me about disregarding emotions for once she may be right about keeping certain things to me and me alone, but this is not the case. I need to talk to someone even if they do not get the full picture.

With a heavy sigh, I respond, “I went to see my parents for visiting day. I needed to talk to them.” I paused trying to gather my next few sentences as to which I would explain everything. “I told my parents about something. I knew I should not have but it was the only way I thought I could clear my thoughts of all my troubles. My parents were distraught with the grief I bared on them but none the less, I asked for help. Luckily, they decided to help me so I went upstairs with my mum up into her office. That was when it all started” I paused again remembering it all.

“My mother talked to me about my problem but then made a remark about how I kept everything to myself. I made a remark back at how I was learnt to do so which she did not approve of. All within a matter of minutes, my mum was shouting at me about how all of her ways of teaching me was to protect me but of course, I knew it was all lies. I needed to get out of there Andrew…” I looked at him trying to read his expression but with no avail.

“I head to the door to leave but my mum stopped me. Her grasp on my arm was hard to get free from so I did everything in my efforts to get away quickly. Therefore, I responded to her harsh comments with a burning anger I had never seen before. Then she slapped me” Tears well up and I begin crying again. Never have I felt so broken, since when did I become so fragile and vulnerable to the outside world. I may never know. “When I was able to get free from her I ran out of the house. That’s when I came here” I wipe away my tears knowing that my sorry sight will not win me any favours after our last encounter.

“I’m sorry,” He says at last breaking the silence.

“I should of notice that you were acting different before I left. I never guessed that you were upset. I just thought you were changing because you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore since I chose to depart from Erudite and chose a separate life,” He continues.

“No, its okay you weren’t to know. I thought you hated me judging by what you said in the letter” I fake a smile.

“Look let’s just put it all behind us. Are we still friends?” He smiles warmly like the old Andrew I used to know. I nod in agreement

“Friends” I smile back and for once, it was not for show. It was for real. 


End file.
